Starting Over

My family has recently moved from Illinois to Virginia and it feels a bit like starting over. The move was brought about by my husbands new job. For me this is exciting, but certainly not easy.
We have now been in Virginia for about three weeks and it has become increasingly clear to me that I am starting over. I may bring with me things that I have learned, but there are so many new things to learn. I also must leave behind all of the friends that I had made and work at finding new mothers with whom I can connect.
I have realized, now that it is hundreds of miles away, that I had grown comfortable in Rockford. I had friends whom I liked and trusted and with whom I shared my daily mommy struggles. I had learned my way around and new all the best places to get whatever is was that I needed. We had a routine and a balance that moving has shattered.
Yet I am happy to be here. There are so many new and wonderful opportunities that await us.

Beauty In and Through My Son

I’ve been thinking, lately, about the beauty in my life. Namely, I’ve been thinking about the beauty I see in and through my son. Today my sweet boy is 8 months old. Everyday I look into his big eyes and at his sweet smile and I am captivated by the beauty that I am witnessing. It is beyond words and yet I sit here trying to express it.

This past week I was reflecting on his birth. For the first few months after he was born I had trouble thinking about all that I had undergone. I viewed it as more of a traumatic event to recover from than a beautiful event with which I had been blessed. Now, 8 months after this traumatic event I look back and think to myself it was the most beautiful blessing I have ever received. Not just because the boy himself is so beautiful. More, it was true sacrificial suffering, and what is more beautiful than that?

I reflect on the suffering and I am proud and empowered that I was able to overcome the pain and preserver though it. At the time I felt I had no choice. The child had to come out and this is how we had decided to go about it. Even in my weakest moment I knew that pain medication simply was not an option. I believed that I had made the most loving decision for my son and changing that was out of the question.

Thinking now, 8 months after the event, I am so filled with joy. It is mysterious how all the pain has vanished and I now see joy, peace, and beauty in its place. I feel empowered, while simultaneously humbled, that God would allow me to endure such suffering. I feel closer to Jesus through Mary, in a way that I believe is a special gift to mothers.

Each and every day I look at my son and I am awed by his precious innocence and simple joy. How beautiful it is to be a baby and know nothing but mothers and fathers love. This is beautiful indeed.

I take my vocation seriously

Motherhood. To me motherhood is more than a part of my life. Motherhood is my vocation and it is the focus of my life. Everything I do revolves around being the best mother I can be and providing the best life possible for my son. It is not merely my job to raise my son, but it is my purpose. It impacts every aspect of my life and I try to make educated decisions that will protect and guide my child toward a happy, healthy life. My passion for motherhood is driven by my love. Love for God and in turn, love for this beautiful creature with which he has blessed me. I am often overwhelmed by my inadequacy and my desire for perfection, but as the dishes pile up and my son moans of teething pains I try to remain present to him and simply give him the comforting love he craves.

As he sweetly snores next to me, dreaming peacefully, I am struck by what a blessing he is and how perfectly he reflects beauty. And yet, as he wakes it is time to return to the demands of entertaining this ever-curious strong-willed child.